i already hear my dad disowning me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
