im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
