OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
