do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
