How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
