It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
