I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you win again, gameday.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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