I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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