hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize