i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize