at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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