i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
