I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just cut my nipple shaving
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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