hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
