This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
