the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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