wanna go halves on a baby?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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