i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize