i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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