i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize