I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
