Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
