Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
