Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I got inside last night via doggy door
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
