i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
