He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
