ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
