I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
