I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
