I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
