But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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