he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
