I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Randomize
