Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
