i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
