he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't deserve a penis
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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