Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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