i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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