She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
