I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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