I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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