I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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