She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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