Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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