Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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