arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
