His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
