If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we made out on top of his cat.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We need to get me chipped asap
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
