just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
