WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
