Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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