Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
