when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
