I'm going to jail i love you
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
