This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
