What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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