Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
