you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
