If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I need water and some morals
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
