there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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