My hand turned me down
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
