I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
