Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
