The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
