i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
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Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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