The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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