It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
